The Visa Hotline

                First semester was ending and I was in the process of applying for a UK visa. South African citizens, by recent decree, were otherwise barred from entry to the UK. Moreover, I wasn’t sure which visa option corresponded to my future UK student status. So I decided to visit my study abroad adviser to ask for her advice on the matter. I walked into her office and we talked a little about the problem at hand. She wasn't sure what to do, so she decided I should call the UK  Visa Hotline. She dialed the number and I put the receiver to my ear and waited for the dial tone to ring through. The ringing ceased and a sexy voice whispered through the receiver.

     “Hey Baby, I’m so glad you called. I’m going to help you with all your needs. Remember, this call will be charged at three dollars a minute plus an initial, non-refundable fee of eight dollars. Please press one to continue.”

I turned to Jessica, who stood across from me in the room.

     She noticed my surprise and said, “Really, its okay. I already know about the high fees.”

With her reassurances, I pressed one to continue.

     The sexy voice from before came on the line: “So Baby, what will it be today? Jenny, our busty blonde, Amanda, our wild redhead …”

I took the phone from my ear and held it out to Jessica. She put it to her ear and turned as red as an African firefly. She whipped the phone down and redialed, this time the correct number. I know this because instead of the sexy voice, a proper sounding Brit answered. It could have been Margaret Thatcher for all I knew.

                I did eventually get my visa, and here I am. Still, I wonder what my adviser's boss said when, on the  phone bill, he saw a charge of eleven dollars to a sex hotline.



*Here's a short BBC documentary on the UK visa problem and declining tourism in the UK in general, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/fast_track/9473976.stm